Fope's Blog

This weekend has me feeling some type of Chimamanda way about the word "beautiful". Photo credit:  terriem  via  Foter.com  /  CC BY-NC-SA Being mothers' day weekend, I've heard the word "beautiful" thrown around carelessly more than usual. It's  like we become mentally lazy when giving women compliments. We think, "Women like to be called beautiful, and it's a word that is generally endearing." I don't doubt that many women enjoy being called beautiful, but it's demeaning when it's used in situations where there's so much more to be celebrated, where beauty obviously played no part in the achievement of success. It's the curse of a patriarchal society that we've somehow forgotten that words that apply to men, can and often should apply to women too. So I thought I'd help a little.  For the next time you want to praise a woman in your life for something that she didn't use her face or good lo

I think my kind of feminism is what Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie calls  Feminst Lite .  This is me  : Feminist who believes in equal rights for men and women, and who also believes in the Biblical model of womanhood- in and outside marriage. In marriage it's with the infamous submission, outside it, it's a  celebration of the uniqueness of being a woman. I don't believe that men are "naturally superior", rather I believe God has bestowed different responsibilities on men and women in a marriage that the order of headship and submission gives room for. This difference in roles comes with no qualifier of what's more or less important. To me, the bottom line of  Feminism is having a choice, a real choice. Not the kind of choice that is available on paper, but gives room for systemic misogyny, where taking a maternity leave can severely damage my career. Photo credit:  richard evea  via  Foter.com  /  CC BY-SA I think both views - Feminism and Submis

Pride isn't always big and grand or loud. And I think this subtle kind has to be the worst. It's the kind that makes me see her mismatched eyebrows before I see her. It's also the kind that makes me hang on so much to the error in the order of his words, that I end up missing the point of what he was saying. Sharp, critical tongue.  That's what Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth calls it. On some days I call it telling it as it is, on other days I sandwich it between cozy good words. But that's like handing someone a blade sandwich; nicely cushioning the blades between bread doesn't make it less cruel. A sharp, critical tongue is one way to show pride, but there's also the habit of interrupting people mid-speech, the need to control outcomes, and  whole list  you can self-diagnose against. Photo credit:  ~Momma B~  via  Foter.com  /  CC BY-NC- I haven't quite nailed it yet, so this isn't a here's my "victory over pride" self-help

My friend got married last week, and on their wedding website she pretty much said, "I'm marrying the guy I made fun of in a group chat with my friends". I thought it was funny, so obviously I read the rest of the story. It was one of those where she had an assumption about who he would be, it was all fun and jokes until they got talking and he turned out to be amazing. So amazing that she now calls him the love of her life, and they've vowed to spend forever together. Now, this is one story where she gave him a chance, even when he seemed laughable.  At the very least, we can say it wasn’t love at first sight, a.k.a. no obvious chemistry.  Today’s 21 st century love script  in a 'no chemistry' situation probably says, “nah, the guy would probably fit in the friend zone”. Right? How about we talk a little about seeing beyond the 21st-century ingredients for love and instant attraction? Photo credit:  Katy.Tresedder  via  Foter.com  /  CC BY-NC-ND

I recently had a conversation with one of my friends, which led her to the conclusion that I wasn’t spiritual enough to date her brother. It was kind of a joke, but as we know, in every joke there’s at least an iota of truth.    So, it got me thinking. See, I self-identify as an open-minded person, at least in my circle of Nigerian, Christian friends, I’m a little bit of an anomaly. I have my own ideas about life, alcohol, sex, and other things I wonder about. No, it’s nothing that necessarily contradicts the Bible; it’s just a little too much for my people. Now, without even knowing the details of our conversation, you’re already thinking I’m not Christian enough to date you or your brother. Don’t worry I don’t want to date you either. On a serious note though, I was taken aback a little by my friend’s conclusion, mostly because I wondered if the things that made her come to that conclusion were the same ones being impediments to my ability to tell my non-Christian friends

I asked some married people about things they'd tell their single selves.  My exact words were, "I'm writting a blogpost on things you'd tell your unmarried self.  "Can you please give me one piece of advice you'd give your unarried self?"  They all didn't give me a response on the spot, so they thought this through. Here's what they had to say: Photo credit:  Shawn Harquail  via Foter.com  /  CC BY-NC 1) I would tell my unmarried self to  be patient and to ignore people's comments about me getting old . I would not just accept any man because I felt pressured. I would be determined to wait for God's best for my life not minding how old I was. 2) I would tell myself not to be rushed. I would say  marry someone you truly love, someone who is ready to die for you (if need be)" . 3) I would definitely  investigate a potential partner thoroughly.  If she claims to have a degree, I want to know how true that is. I would get t

You know, just a Friday night Netflix and chilling, and thinking of launching a YouTube career. But boy, that thing is more work than it appears to be.  Isn't this picture just stunning? It's from  here I have a pretty nice camera, I know lighting is your best friend, I also know video editing is to awesome videos as packaging is to any product. But what is knowledge if you're not going to act on it? Well, I actually did act on it; I shot my first video. It was a nice ramble and I guess you could say it had some potential. However, as I re-watched it six hours later, I realized that I roll my eyes upward when I'm talking and thinking at the same time. So in the video,  I look slightly lost and unsure of myself. But hey, Rome wasn't built in one day, so maybe there'll be a second shot and third, or however many it takes to nail this thing. Or maybe I'll just add a tab on here and do with my blog, what I had hoped to do