Is She Really "Beautiful" or Are You Just Lazy?

This weekend has me feeling some type of Chimamanda way about the word "beautiful".

Photo credit: terriem via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Being mothers' day weekend, I've heard the word "beautiful" thrown around carelessly more than usual. It's  like we become mentally lazy when giving women compliments. We think, "Women like to be called beautiful, and it's a word that is generally endearing." I don't doubt that many women enjoy being called beautiful, but it's demeaning when it's used in situations where there's so much more to be celebrated, where beauty obviously played no part in the achievement of success.

It's the curse of a patriarchal society that we've somehow forgotten that words that apply to men, can and often should apply to women too. So I thought I'd help a little.  For the next time you want to praise a woman in your life for something that she didn't use her face or good looks to earn, here are a few words that might apply:  

• Hardworking
• Tenacious - This is said of a persistent person, one who's not easily dissuaded.
• Honourable-  Might be handy when you're not quite sure what it is that you're praising. "There's just something about the way she does things" "She's a person of Integrity". Call her honorable
• Dependable We can always count on mama to come through; she's dependable.
• Feisty - This one is for the Davids in a world of Goliaths; the hidden gems. The term "Feisty" allows you to insinuate that she's not someone you'd expect to have that much courage/strength, but she has it anyway. It's especially for the "Small but mighty" type of people.
• Thoughtful - It usually has to do with being considerate of others' needs. 
• Loving - You're trying to explain how she makes everyone feel at home? I'm sure it's not beauty that makes her that caring all the time.
• Wise- She's probably had to ward off strange people and things to protect her clan. It required wisdom.
• Selfless
• Supportive
• Encouraging
• Funny
• Forbearing/ Tolerant/ Uncomplaining- That's the trait that enables her to withstand some amount of the everyday temptations to act and say things she wouldn't if Jesus were in the room. 
• Resilient - This is the Nokia 3310 trait. She's able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.

I'm sure there a ton of words out there that you can add to this short list.

One way to learn praise her better is to get specific. Think about the exact thing you are complimenting her on, then say it. 

"Thanks mom for sending me grilled chicken and Jollof rice in my first week in a new city and new job; it was super thoughtful and caring of you!" (True story, Thanks, mom!) See how much nicer it feels than, "thanks to my beautiful mom"?

When next you need to say thank you, pick a handful of these words and get specific with your compliments! There are so many ways to say we're extremely impressive that don't involve calling us "beautiful".  (Tweet this!).